Hey fat girl!

Okay so I've put on more than my share of weight these past couple of years and I'm over it. To make things worse, I've been sick for the past week. With what you ask? Who in the heck knows! No symptoms other than being nauseous 24/7. Oh and my belly was HUGE the whole time...like about to hit 3rd trimester huge. Oh and I'M NOT PREGNANT! What the fork already? Finally the 5th day I decided to make myself sick. You know..."gag me with a fork"....or something like that. Some relief had come....thanks to my finger down my throat. Then what followed was a major detox. Finally it looked like I was just a fat kid again and not on my way to the delivery room. Are you getting me here? I still feel funky and I am slowly but surely getting better. So today is the 6th day for this nasty shit to be lingering and at 3am I wake up to chimes on my husbands phone which is downstairs and wont shut up. I'm a super light sleeper. I tell him to get his phone before I kill someone. He does....and faster than I expected. He's pretty slow when waking up. Shortly after...as I am TRYING to get back to sleep, I smell the lovely scent of dog poop! My door is shut....shut I tell you! What did my dog eat?!!!! He never poops in the house but whatever. The smell was horrid and I could feel myself getting ready to puke....and with no help on my part this time. Thankfully I didn't get sick. I go downstairs to discover a massive pile of shit...for a moment I thought I owned a great dane. It's 4am and I had already been in bed for an hour trying to fall back asleep after the alarm wouldn't shut up. Now I find myself cleaning shit up and wanting to murder my dog. Being sick didn't make things any better.....I so badly wanted to wake my husband to clean it but I knew it wasn't going to happen. Hell....he would probably leave it until morning. So finally I am back in bed and trying to go back to sleep....new problem....husband now snores. How does a very thin man pick snoring up at the age of 32? Isn't that for fat kids? Whatever....all I know is at that point I wanted to pop him in the head! I just wanted sleep damn it! I needed to get up in a few hours for work and I had gone to bed at 1am only to be up shortly after...multiple times. Finally I got some sleep but nothing deep enough that I actually feel rested. My sleep is constantly full of dreams which keeps me from ever going into a nice deep sleep. I get up and get ready for work and discover a nice 2nd pile O'poo. Much smaller than the one I cleaned up. Thanks Cash! I left that one for daddy!